Originally from Pastebin, author unknown BROTHER TEASED BY SISTER ABOUT IMPENDING HIS CIRCUMCISION *you enter his bedroom* Hey, Jason, are you awake? *pause* JJJJJJJaaaassooooooonnnnnnn? Ugh, are you still sleeping? It’s time to get up! It’s your big day! *you laugh a little* It’s your circumcision day! Isn’t that exciting? What? It’s NOT exciting? Oh, come on, it won’t be that bad. It’s just a little snip snip, and then you’ll be done. And you won’t have your foreskin anymore. That’s kind of fun, right? Yeah, probably not, you’re right. *you laugh a little* Well, anyway, Mom wanted me to make sure you’re getting ready. She’s downstairs and we just had breakfast. She said you need to be dressed and in the car in like 45 minutes. Okay? You can’t be late—not to your own penis surgery! So get your butt up, sunshine, and let’s get ready. I still need to change out of my pajamas and put on some actual clothes, and I need to pack some magazines and stuff for the waiting room. What? Of course, I’m going with you! Mom and I both are! Did you think I’d stay at home? I wouldn’t miss this for the world. My brother is getting part of his dick cut off today. No chance I’m missing that! *you laugh a little* I mean, no, I won’t get to watch your foreskin get sliced and diced, but I’ll get to see you in the waiting room and how nervous you’ll be when the nurse calls your name to go back for it. And while you’re back there—while Mr. Penis is being introduced to Mr. Scalpel—just think of Mom and me in the waiting room, with our favorite magazines having some quality girl time. Doesn’t that make you feel a little better? Knowing that while you’re having your foreskin chopped off, Mom and I will be relaxing in the waiting room! *you laugh a little* Oh, don’t get so pissy. I’m just messing around with you. If the roles were reversed, you’d do the same. You have to admit it’s kind of funny. Like, seriously. You have an appointment in two hours to get your dick operated on. Ugh, you still can’t see the humor? Well, it’s there, sweetie … I promise. And, yeah, it probably helps that I’m a girl and can’t relate to what you’re going through. I don’t have a dick, obviously, and there’s nothing down there that I’d have to get cut off. This is a total boy problem. *you laugh a little* By the way, Mom finally told me the reason you have to get circumcised. You got an infection down there, under your foreskin? That’s disgusting. Didn’t you shower or clean yourself? Seriously, that’s so gross. But, well, I guess you’re about to learn that lesson the hard way, huh? You didn’t take care of your foreskin, so now it’s getting cut off. Oh, and is it weird to know that Mom was the one who made this decision? Like, she told me that the doctor said you could have used a steroid cream for a while—to see if it would cure the infection—but Mom pretty much said, no, we’re not doing that, we’re going with the circumcision. *you laugh a little* Is that weird? Knowing that Mom’s the one who basically sentenced you to this fate—to having part of your dick cut off. And she knew exactly what you’d be going through. She made her decision AFTER researching stuff about teenage circumcision and talking with your doctor. So, after learning how un-fun it would be for you and your penis, she still said go ahead. And then, after telling you what she decided, she scheduled the procedure right in front of you—literally it’s like two women, Mom and the receptionist, talking about your foreskin getting chopped off, while you just sit there and have to listen. That’s so funny. *you laugh a little* I mean, it’s not big deal to them. They don’t have foreskins—and soon you won’t either! We’ll all three have that in common—Mom, me and you! No foreskins! Isn’t that fun, sweetie? *you laugh a little* Well, I need to go get ready now, it’s time for you to get your butt out of bed. Like I said, you need to be dressed and in the car in like 45 minutes. And, if you have a few extra minutes, hun, you might want to … well … “relieve” yourself one last time since you won’t be able to do that again for 6 weeks. You look confused. You don’t know what I’m talking about? I don’t understand … Oh, shit. Wait. I wasn’t supposed to say anything about that. Mom asked me not to. I’m sorry. Never mind. No, I can’t … I can’t tell you … honey, I … ugh … okay, fine … fine! Well, after your little circumcision, you aren’t going to be able to … umm, I mean … to masturbate … you aren’t going to be able to, like, jerk off … for 6 weeks. Yes, 6 weeks. No action at all, no orgasms. Your dick and the stitches and everything will have to heal. *there’s a pause as this registers for jason* I know, I know, that’s a really long time. Oh, god, I actually feel kind of bad for mentioning it. Mom didn’t want me to say anything about your orgasm vacation because she thought you’d freak out—and she was right. But, seriously, you’ll be fine. It’s just 6 weeks, and then you’ll be back to normal. Yeah, you’re right, that sounds ridiculous: “just 6 weeks.” There’s no “just” about it. That’s a long time. I wouldn’t be able to go that long. No way. We’re around the same age and I’m horny all the time, so I can’t even imagine. You’ll be so frustrated and desperate. Do you think it’ll make you grumpy? I think it will. But look on the bright side: I don’t have any restrictions, so I can get off for both of us—I’ll have enough orgasms for both of us! *you laugh a little* Okay, well, sorry to spring that on you at the last minute, but yeah, today’s going to suck for you. Surgery on your dick—followed by six weeks of total celibacy as you go through puberty. And, throughout everything, your darling Mom and sweet sister will be right by your side. And my volleyball team is rooting for you, because I told all of those girls. Yeah, sorry, it just kind of slipped out during our last practice. One of them said her brother went through the same thing last year when he was your age, and she said it really sucked—for him, not for her. She said it was pretty funny for her. *you get up to leave the room* So, anyway, lots of people are thinking of you. No more whining and complaining. Be a big boy and get up and get dressed. Oh, and say goodbye to that foreskin, because it’s not gonna’ be there much longer. See you downstairs, sweetie.